Greetings.
I shall dispense with ritualistic exchanges and cut to the chase, to use a relevant turn of phrase: What were you thinking?! Of all things – and I choose the word “things” intentionally – a dog?! And not even an appropriately-sized terrier or toy poodle, but a Rottweiler?! With all the galumphing grace of a beef cow and the insatiable desire to “play”?!
I have long viewed the seemingly obtuse choices made by Feeders with perplexity, but the dog’s arrival surprises even this jaded feline. In the farmstead ecosystem of reciprocal alliances and mutual productivity, where every creature works to support the whole, what possible function could a dog perform?! And a young, energetic, and chase-happy version to boot?!
As you have observed, I have put my best paw (in fact, multiple paws) forward in friendly overtures to the new canine that, based on my observation of your vocalizations, goes by “No-Meg,” “Stop-That-Meg,” “Come-Meg,” or simply “Meg.” I have been met only with exuberant bouncing and the repeated canine exclamation of “Hey!” “Hey!” “Hey!” (This dog has all the vocabulary deficiencies common to its species.) “No-Meg’s” behavior could be interpreted as friendly, at least until she chases me across the barnyard, barks in my face, and contorts her body into a forward stretch with extended front paws. “No-Meg” waggles her hind end with such vigor in this position that I fear she may, at some point, actually topple over.
I am working to rectify your risky (and, I will add, foolhardy and reckless) decision to add a canine to the fully functional – at least up until this point – relational ecosystem at the Patch, and beg your immediate explanation of the rationale behind “No-Meg’s” presence, as well as your plans for her Patch future.
Be advised that the dog’s interactions thus far have, in general, increased the stress level of all sentient beings at the Patch. To speak frankly, it rests on you to justify her presence and to ameliorate the negative impacts of her rambunctious gallops across the barnyard.
While you did not consult myself or other Patch residents before “No-Meg’s” arrival, I nevertheless urge you to remedy your error by engaging in multiple demonstrative peaceful overtures to existing Patch inhabitants. Additional feedings would be a good place to start.
I look for your swift and apologetic reply, as my loyalty to the Patch organization is in serious jeopardy.
In agitation,
Henry
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