Greetings.
I have a request. I watched as you planted an “orchard” this spring. Even though horticulture is not my area of expertise, I am aware that orchards typically include trees or shrubs that bear fruit. Given the high winds at the Patch, attempting to raise fruits of significant size seems ridiculous, as any and all fruit would simply become airborne in routine wind events at some point in development or ripening. Suffice it to say, I support your desire to plant trees and bushes that bear much smaller fruit, such as the diminutive crabapple, to improve your odds of harvesting anything. For my part, I am hopeful that your orchard-like space might be a draw for the yellow birds that I so enjoy.
I must point out, though, that labeling the area an orchard is misleading. Your scraggly smattering of trees and bushes, while well intentioned, lacks the fecundity and shelter that the term orchard conveys. This potential orchard-like area is the topic of my request.
As I am sure you are aware, the date of the first annual PAPSE (Party at the Patch Storytelling Extravaganza) approaches. Feel free to refer to my previous dispatch – Henry the Organizer (#14) – to review our mission statement. Pudge and I are working assiduously to resolve all festival details in advance of the arrival of our esteemed storytelling comrades. Your potential orchard space would be ideal as the site for festival headquarters and main stage events. Might we have access to it in the days leading up to the event?
In the interest of full disclosure, I admit to an ulterior motive. Given the current state of relations with the geese, locating a setting where their cacophonous vocalizations are somewhat diminished is a priority. As the geese are not allowed to enter the so-called orchard, this is an area where we might have some aural peace.
You are wise to bar the geese from your orchard. Just in case you were considering shifting access restrictions for them, I will share that I did see the largest Embden gander attempting to defoliate the lowest branches of a crabapple tree. And with no ill intent but only with your concern for feed cost in mind, I suggest that you check the sacks of feed in the hay shed. Certain goose bills have been unraveling the tops and helping themselves to mouthfuls of grain. Much pig feed has already been consumed by creatures not of a porcine persuasion.
Please consider my respectful request in light of services generously rendered to the Patch community.
With some small measure of revenge,
Henry
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