Greetings.
It is with mixed emotions that I note the cessation of the season of darkness and the return of the light. I know that you humans follow planetary motions with rather rudimentary measurements that attempt to mimic the kinds of understandings that those of us in the animal and plant kingdoms access intuitively, and it is on this point that I hope to find some common ground with you as Feeder.
As a nocturnal being whose natural condition is one of sleep, I experience the increasing daylight hours with mixed emotions. I have less time to prowl about in the dark, but additional minutes each day to savor sleeping positions in direct sunlight. Barn cats are especially suited to find deep comfort even in places that others might not perceive as conducive to pleasurable sleep, like on top of feed sacks or hay bales or even piles of dirt. It is commonly accepted wisdom that any legitimate farmstead should have at least one sleeping barn cat visible from all points on the property. Thus, your credibility as Feeder depends on my visible sprawl in sunny spots for a significant number of hours each day.
Like humans who perform multiple jobs, I, too, struggle to juggle my varied responsibilities. As a cat of class and respectability, I perform cursory mouse-control for a robust rodent population. (An aside…were you aware of the rapidly reproducing colony of mice in the greenhouse? And their consistent predation of the chicken feed bags in the hay shed? An additional barn cat who could act as my assistant is truly worth considering.) Given my expanding rodent responsibilities, how can I also get in the necessary hours of performative barn-cat comfort sleeping? The strain of these dueling responsibilities is taxing my reserves, and I’m sad to say, negatively impacting the formerly lush texture of my fur.
As overextended as I am, be assured that I remain fully committed to the ongoing work of the Patch Translation Project. Lest you wonder at my progress, I include just two brief updates regarding the current foci (yes, I am brushing up on my Latin) of my linguistic efforts:
· I am currently engaged with Jorge the boar, working to successfully interpret his unique dialect, common among KuneKune pigs of the Pacific Northwest. As you know, prior to Jorge’s arrival at the Patch, he was kept in confinement in a barn and rarely saw the light of day or sunk his snout in dirt. His deficiencies in early socialization affected his linguistic style, and he remains a pig of limited vocabulary. Given the nerve damage to his tongue, a traumatic injury which occurred at a pre-verbal period of his development, his tonal inflections are rather more complex than Pudge, with whom I now engage in extended existential conversation about our shared embrace of hedonism.
· The chickens pass along their gratitude for the increased light and note the conclusion of the One Communal Egg protest. The additional daylight hours have resulted in greater egg productivity (as I’m sure you’ve noticed) and your efforts to remove the number of vexing roosters have more than satisfied their demands for reduction of noise in their egg-laying environs. The decibel levels they were suffering under truly diminished their overall health and, now that their requests for improved work-place safety have been heard, they are satisfied with your attempts. The replacement of their wood chip laying area with straw has also enabled a greater number of eggs to be produced. Vent health and comfort is an issue they will be bringing to your attention in the future, as they expressed dismay at your lack of knowledge on the topic. Please note these necessary improvements as required baseline conditions if future issues arise.
It is with sincere hopefulness that my request for barn cat assistance might be heard and acted on.
May you as Feeder come to a greater understanding of and empathy for the animals whom you serve.
With resignation,
Henry
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